Sunday, 8 March 2015

Healing?

I have heard people say the phrases like 'No Pain No Gain' and 'Feel The Burn' when talking about working out and getting healthy. But then there is also two types of pain. The pain of tired muscles from a good work out, and the flip side is the pain of hurting your body from pushing too far. That is always the pain you want to avoid, but sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between the two. I had physio of Friday, and then a physical therapy appointment right after. So going from two months of very limited movements, and then to an hour of physical strain was quite a lot for me. And my body is telling me so. This morning after getting up and rinsing my face, my left side from my waist down kind of collapsed on itself. No real harm done. Icing it now, but it was scary seeing myself in the mirror nearly collapsing into the counter/sink, and see the fear in my own eyes.


So what do I learn from this? I learn that I need to take things a lot slower. I still have to push myself, but also have to listen to my body more. Maybe I shouldn't have sat in certain ways the day before, or made sure my leg was propped up better while I slept, or a whole slew of other little things. Literally every move I make now has to be thought out before I even make it or I could easily get worse again. Thankfully I trust fully in the people I am working with to get my strength back. But it will take time, which is the biggest pill to swallow. I'm not the patient type, so it is frustrating that my body won't heal fast. Just breath right?


"Death smiles at us all, but all a man can do is smile back." - Marcus Aurelius

Tuesday, 3 March 2015

Back...

...Pain.

For those of you who follow my blog, but don't know me personally, I will catch you up on what my has been going on the past eight months or so.

Last summer I spent a month out west visiting my sister. While there, I ended up causing myself back issues. Being stubborn and thinking it would get better on its own, I didn't take time off from work, and I only went to my doctor about two months after it initially happened. Fast forward a month or two later, I had my first MRI which showed herniation on three of my lower discs. Christmas season at work ramps up, and my back grows steadily worse. I decide to take time off after Christmas to let my back get better. Within the first week I take off, my back worsens to the extent I end up in the emergency room twice in one day. First time was for the pain and spasming. The second time was the same, but I ended up going into a bit of shock from the pain, loss of hearing, blurred vision, hyperventilating. Thankfully my mom was there to catch me and get me back on the couch where I had just stood up from. Paramedics arrived and I got my first (and hopefully only) ride in an ambulance. A month or so after that, second MRI is taken, and shows that my slight herniation's are no longer just slight. Using a walker for a month or so, and a cane the past few weeks, I have started to make progress in the right direction. I have a back brace, but have been advised to only use it in situations like driving (which I have now been doing for the past two weeks to and from all my doctor and physio appointments), or lifting (which I can't attempt yet). As my physiotherapist says, I am progressing as slow as molasses, but it's still miles better then where I started.

So that is the basic gist of what has been happening in my life. My one sister thought it might be a good idea that I chronicle my journey of healing. I think it's a good idea, although I am kind of embarrassed to disclose things like how much weight or inches I lose while trying to get healthy in all aspects of my life. We will see how comfortable I am with it as time goes on.

My next post will probably be over the weekend, and I will discuss more about the exercises and stretches that I have been given to try and strengthen my core/back.

With that I will leave you with a quote from a movie I have watched this past week.

"If something should happen... maybe I never said this enough. I love all of you." Russell Hammond Almost Famous

Friday, 20 June 2014

An Ode to Youtube...

...Well more specifically two channels (but also many others as well).

GameGrumps and the Rooster Teeth family I want to say thank you.

I started following GameGrumps from the get go. I had known about JonTron and Egoraptor and saw they were collaborating for a new channel and I watched every video they released. It was actually through them that I came upon Rooster Teeth and the Achievement Hunter crew. I know, I was late to the game with that one. But not long after I started watching the many Let’s Plays they were all making, my dad died.

Okay, time to back track a little bit. Like many people my age, 23, Youtube has been a main stay in our lives for quite some time. Some probably started off with Homestarrunner or websites like FunnyJunk. Since growing up sucks, Youtube was the perfect place to turn to see people from all over the world being just as awkward or confused or as lonely as you were feeling. It was also a place where people like the Vlogbrothers (John and Hank Green) showed that even though there is suck in the world, you can combat it together by every little act of awesome you preformed. Youtube was a place of hope, new ideas, fun, laughter, sadness, anger, and every other daily human emotion. People like Charlieissocoollike, Michael Aranda, the Fine Brothers, Freddie Wong, the Five Awesome Girls (which then became every version of the Five Awesome -insert name here-) were all talking about things that mattered to them, or making music, or amazing CG video’s. They were all amazing in there own way. And to me, on the other side of the screen, those video’s became like cherished friends. Being awkward sucks, and seeing how these people turned their quirks into their best assets really made me feel hopeful.

Now back to present day.

It has been roughly a year since my dad died. When I found out, I was having a carefree adventure in New Zealand on a working holiday. I had gone skydiving the day before, and was just thrilled with how life was going. But that single phone call from my sister still echo’s throughout me. The simple phrase “I’m sorry. His heart wasn’t strong enough.” still brings me to tears (crying as I type). Something inside of me broke, and I didn’t eat (or really sleep) until I got back to Canada three days later. I didn’t think I would ever be able to laugh again, or even smile. But, like during many other difficult times in my life, I shut myself down and turned to Youtube. I know not the best choice, but after he died, I realized that my dad had been my best friend, and that I would never have him there again to teach me about anything ever again. He was the best man I have ever known and I am lucky to have had him as my dad. And I am not saying that my friends weren’t there to support me, they were, and I will always be grateful to them for being my friends. But there was and still is something that I don’t think I will ever be able to express, which somehow the (sometimes crude) humour of the gaming channels just touched. The first few days after coming home were the hardest and I couldn’t sleep, so I went on GameGrumps and had a Sonic ’06 binge watching spree. Some how, with the laughter and carefree voices of Arin and Jon in the background, I finally found sleep. In the following months, every video that came out I cherished because it was a safe place to listen, no one judged me and with Danny’s introduction it was like getting a new friend that was willing to express himself fully which amazed me. The Minecraft series that the Achievement Hunters came out with, were a similar safe place. Each time Gavin gave his little strangle of a cry scream when he was dying (or did something stupid like fall down a hole), or when Ray would jump from block to block calling ‘Parkour’ or ‘YOLO’ (and yes, even the fake jerk off in the corners were funny), or when Jack would go off and build a house and basically be like 'fuck it, I play by my own rules', each time I watched them it got a little bit easier to smile and the smile lasted a little bit longer. Michaels laugh and epic battle cry ('Mogar is ready!'), and Geoff’s frustration and ridiculous house, and Ryan’s sadistic killing sprees and weird animal attraction, all made it seem like everything was going to be all right.

So yes this is an ode to Youtube, but more importantly it is a thank you to every Youtuber out there. I know I am not the only one who thinks these things about you, and you should realize that what you do does matter to a huge amount of people world wide. I know my family doesn’t really understand why I love watching your sometimes silly or ridiculous videos, but that’s okay. They each have there own outlet where they can find laughter, and this is mine. So in the words of the Vlogbrothers, I want to remind all of you to D.F.T.B.A.

Thursday, 23 January 2014

Just keep swimming

Just keep going.
That's all I have been able to focus on really for the past seven months.
That and hoping every day I wake up and reality changes.
With the death of my father back in July, my reality is now and forever altered.
Every day is a struggle, but I know it is for everyone in my family. I was yanked out of my 'happy go lucky' travel adventure, to the harsh reality that life is unpredictable and never fair. Work has become my only life, and I am getting tired of feeling sorry for myself and not doing anything about it. So following once again in my older sister's foot steps, I have decided that I am going to start blogging and writing again. It will at least make me accountable for continuing to live, even if it is only small things to begin with. I need to find joy in life again, and productive ways to express myself.
So I will just end this with a thank you to everyone for the support over the last year, and with a little hope that it get's better.

"Dory: Hey, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down you know what you've gotta do?
Marlin: I don’t want to know.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim." - 'Finding Nemo' Ellen DeGeneres and Albert Brooks

Sunday, 23 June 2013

Oh Sunny Days

Yeah not really. The first few days in Sydney were actually quite nice. But yeah, the past few have been excessively wet and rainy.
Day 1: I arrived and Martha met me at the airport. We took a bus into the city. I got to see where she lived, and we went exploring. Walked around UNSW campus and I met like two dozen people who Martha is either friends with or worked/studied with while she has been in Oz. Walked down to Coogee beach and wrote a happy fathers day message in the sand for our dad (Happy Dad Day again dad). Did a little bit of grocery shopping and made Yael and Andy dinner. Early night to bed (8:30pm) since I had been up for getting close to 20hours. Then the day of why both Martha and I were in Sydney arrived. GRADUATION DAY! It was a great day. People *coughJohnElhamcough* thought it was a cold day, but I thought it was awesome. Met like another 2-3 dozen of Martha's friends and got the giggles in the middle of the ceremony. Oh funny names. It was a good day though, and lots more proper laughs followed. Australia played Iraq in the qualifiers for the Men's FIFA World Cup, and won in the last minutes of the game. So everyone was super stoked about the grad and the win.
And the excitement and fun just continued throughout the rest of the week.
Zoo day! Martha, Yael, Tom, Anna, and John showed me around and got to see a few new things there. We went to the Tasmanian devil feeding which was cool. While at the feeding we learned that the tassie devil is quickly dying off due to a really rare cancer. They have started a breeding program to make sure they have a good gene pool to draw from to continue the existence of the tassie and also to help find a way to make a cure. Currently the cancer is 100% fatal. We also went to the bird show which was probably the most amazing thing about the zoo trip. The abilities and training that they have nurtured and developed was spectacular. We also saw the seal show which was more informative and less tricks but still very neat. And to top it off, while we walked past the male elephant section, the keepers were playing with the one elephant. It was setting up a soccer ball and kicking it, and drop kicking a rugby ball. It was a very awe inspiring day, but also very sombering. To think that human's have destroyed so much nature that some animals only know the life of a cage since there are so few left, let's just say by the end of the day I was feeling very reflective. After the zoo, they introduced me to a hot chocolate place that I doubt could be equaled anywhere other than maybe somewhere in Europe. Max Brenners. Yael, Martha, and I have decided that Max Brenners should replace Starbucks in Canada, and Tim Hortons should replace Starbucks in Australia. It is an out of this world choco experience. After the amazing drink you would think the rest of the trip would be a flop right?
Wrong!
Art museum. Very randomly set up, but super interesting pieces. And I of course pulled a blonde moment. We were looking at some china from China that is like 600 years old, and I thought "Wow, these are really beautiful, they should be in a museum" which made me start laughing to myself, since right after thinking that I was like "Um, they are." Martha asked what was so funny, so I told her and we both had a good laugh at my moment. That day was also Martha's birthday! So dinner out with a bunch of her friends and a really good dumpling place, and a cake/roll thing that Yael and I made back at their house. Friday was our "down day". Which saw us eat lunch with more new people for me, and then we headed over to the family that Martha used to babysit/house sit for. Then back home to have another yummy dinner of kangaroo, which I have now had basically everyday being here. Saturday was another exciting day. I went swimming for the first time in the ocean at Clovelly. John, Martha and I then walked in the rain to Bondi beach. It was a wet day, and when I had my warm shower after walking around for 5 hours my hands felt like they were burning. Guess it was colder than I wanted to admit, at least the air was, the water was warmish. That night I got to meet a couple girls from Martha's soccer team. Very nice people. And the third Alex I have met on this trip. We had some good Chinese food, and then probably the coolest desert ever. Liquid nitrogen gelato! I had the strawberry blonde geisha (green tea gelato with flirty strawberry bits - their description), Martha got the we are the champions (maple and smoked bacon), Nat got popcorn, and Alex got dark chocolate and sea salt. We have come to the conclusion that mine was the best, and Martha's was overpowered by the bacon.
SUNDAY! Started with an awesome pancake brekkie made by Yael, and the maple syrup provided by our neighbours in Waterloo. Then off to a Persian wedding luncheon for Elham and Iman. Elham looked beautiful, but we had to dash. After a half hour with them, we hopped on to the bus and headed for the Sydney Opera House to see Peter and the wolf performed by the symphony featuring the Aussie icon Dame Edna. It was great music and a funny performance by the Dame. After that we hopped onto another bus, and headed to Maroubra junction to get our GoT on. Alex (another Alex) and Sarah had us over to meet their little Henry, and play Game of Thrones the board game. I chose to play as the Strak's and kept saying 'Winter is coming'. It was a lot of fun. Martha won. But it was fun. John showed up for dessert and gave us a ride home. I have found that all of Martha's friends are super nice.
Last day! Yael, Martha and I went out to Maroubra beach - also known in local terminology as the bra - where we watched surfers do their thing, while enjoying a simple but good breakfast. Came back, started writing this blog, then left to grab a cuppa at Max Brenners with soccer girls. Alex and Ro, very cool people and yummy hot chocolate. Came back home again, packed, and now the blog is updated!
"Don't shoot! Seriously, I don't even like working here. They are so weird!"- Mandarin guard 'Iron Man 3'

Thursday, 13 June 2013

I'm Back!

I have been given instructions from a very important person that my blog was in need of an update, so here it goes.
I am back in Christchurch right now, but this time I am not ill! So the visit has already started on the right foot. I am staying with the same fabulous family from my last visit and yes Mom I am trying to help around the house with little things like dishes and folding laundry. p.s. Mom the kids love the shirts :)
I just reread my last post, so the following little tales should all be new.
Queenstown - it was definitely a lifestyle change from Kinloch. Since it is a tourist town everything is expensive, and extreme, so in my down time I was quite boring. I read a lot, and hung out with a few friends I made. I went to some meditation nights, and watched saw some movies. 'Star Trek' I went to the midnight opening showing of, and by golly was it good. Also saw 'Idenity Theif' which was okay, and 'Iron Man 3' which I absolutely loved. Pepper Potts kicked some ass, and a woman kicking ass is always a plus in my books. So that was Queenstown in a nut shell. Well, okay, not quite. Fat Badgers and World Bar went up in flames. I had a cold at the time so had spent the day in bed, and didn't know about it until my friend Holly texted me if I was okay. And if anyone is confused, Fat Badgers was a pizza place below World Bar and is where the fire started which caused them both to go up in smoke. My stay in Queenstown last 5 weeks, and then I moved back out into the middle of nowhere.
Glenorchy/Kinloch - Next on the list of "What to Do" was working on a farm between Glenorchy and Kinloch. I don't actually know which town/village it falls into, but does it really matter when you are travelling to make these small little definitions? nope. So I worked on a cow farm for Al's friend Thomas. It was different once again to either of the other jobs. The first day I was there it was time for the cows to be scanned. Now this isn't a dairy farm, it's a beef farm with a lot of female cows who need to get preggers so the calfs can be sold. So scanning the cows was to check if they were preggers or not. And most were. I think only a handful or so weren't, and thats out of nearly 300 cows, so good job bulls lol. I also painted a hallway and a mudroom while I was there. Helped feed the chucks and cows, and clean out the chuck houses. Planted the spring bulbs, and helped sort out some stuff from a spare room and the garage. I really enjoyed it. Thomas and Karen also had a dog, which I love! Her name is Xena and she is a mouse killer, not quite as cool as a warrior princess, but still a very cool dog. I left the farm this past Tuesday, and rejoined Stray Bus. Once again I had another driver. This time it was Spoons. He was covering for another driver who had hurt their arm, so he didn't have a mic to talk to us about the places we passed. But it was okay. Most of us just slept on the bus. So I saw Mt. Cook again. This time I went for a walk and got back before it was dark. Others had gone on a longer walk, and ended up having to use their cell phones and one persons flash light to make their ways back. The next day we went to Lake Tekapo where a bunch of us went ice skating. It was a lot of fun, and I realised two things; 1-I need to get my skates at home sharpened, and 2-I skate like how people ski lol. That night we stayed in Rangitata, and watched some episodes of 'Flight of the Concords' and then since most of us had never seen it, Spoons had us watch 'Top Gun' which yes has a great soundtrack, but no is not that great of a movie. Now I am in Christchurch, and just relaxing for a few days before my next big adventure. I am on my way to Oz...do I follow the yellow brick road?
"Glad to meet you kid, you're a real horses ass."- Henry Gondorf 'The Sting'

Thursday, 9 May 2013

Life continues!

Okay once again haven't posted in a really long time. And this time I am not going to apologize :D
Since the last time I posted I have been to Dunedin and stayed at Hogwartz. A very good hostel and I recommend it to people if they ever are in need of one in Dunedin. I also stayed with my mom's friend there in her cute little house, with her and her significant other. They were wonderful hosts, and vegan. So guess who ate vegan for a week? ME! It was really good food, and I think I will be trying out some recipes when I get back to Canada where the cost of food isn't as crazy.
After Dunedin I moved to Kinloch and lived in a converted bus for a month. And it has been the best month I think yet. I loved having a fire at night to keep me warm, and living in the middle of nowhere basically. Working in Kinloch I learned a bit about car's, and mechanic work, but mostly just how much brute force goes into country living. The first day I chopped wood for 2 hrs straight basically, and got some pretty good blisters on both hands. I also washed out a killing hut. Other things I did over my month in Kinloch, learned how to drive a digger (the big yellow caterpillar kind of things) and use it to move logs and such. Went deer hunting, but didn't get anything. Got good at removing seats from vans and at putting them back in. Pulled a lot of weeds, and cut trees down to size. Decluttered movies on a rainy day. Jumped in the lake on April 20th with some snow already on the peaks of the mountains. Had some pretty epic fires that kept burning for a couple days - all very safe of course. Took an engine out of a car, and have now gotten used to having oil and dirt almost always under my nails. I also knitted a little ghost doll toy thing. It didn't turn out all that good, but it was fast and easy to make. I am going to have to try it again eventually. I think my nephews would like it.
So that was Kinloch. I have since moved to Queenstown. I have been here just under 2 weeks now, and it has had some extremes. I am working in a bike rental shop, and since it is fall, it has been raining on and off and getting colder. So not a lot of people wanting to rent bikes. But I have been making a few friends, and been able to focus a little bit on what comes next. Which is AUSTRALIA! My sister's graduation is next month and I am going to fly to Sydney to attend her grad, and then a few days later it is her birthday so we shall celebrate in style! I am super excited to be able to go to her grad and witness her accepting something she has most definitely earned and more so deserves. So proud of my big sister.
And that's life in a nut shell right now. Oh I forgot to mention I got to shoot a shotgun and a .22 rifle. So I guess I should really say that's life in a shotgun shell.
"No life, without wife"- Bride and Prejudice