An Ode to Youtube...

...Well more specifically two channels (but also many others as well).

GameGrumps and the Rooster Teeth family I want to say thank you.

I started following GameGrumps from the get go. I had known about JonTron and Egoraptor and saw they were collaborating for a new channel and I watched every video they released. It was actually through them that I came upon Rooster Teeth and the Achievement Hunter crew. I know, I was late to the game with that one. But not long after I started watching the many Let’s Plays they were all making, my dad died.

Okay, time to back track a little bit. Like many people my age, 23, Youtube has been a main stay in our lives for quite some time. Some probably started off with Homestarrunner or websites like FunnyJunk. Since growing up sucks, Youtube was the perfect place to turn to see people from all over the world being just as awkward or confused or as lonely as you were feeling. It was also a place where people like the Vlogbrothers (John and Hank Green) showed that even though there is suck in the world, you can combat it together by every little act of awesome you preformed. Youtube was a place of hope, new ideas, fun, laughter, sadness, anger, and every other daily human emotion. People like Charlieissocoollike, Michael Aranda, the Fine Brothers, Freddie Wong, the Five Awesome Girls (which then became every version of the Five Awesome -insert name here-) were all talking about things that mattered to them, or making music, or amazing CG video’s. They were all amazing in there own way. And to me, on the other side of the screen, those video’s became like cherished friends. Being awkward sucks, and seeing how these people turned their quirks into their best assets really made me feel hopeful.

Now back to present day.

It has been roughly a year since my dad died. When I found out, I was having a carefree adventure in New Zealand on a working holiday. I had gone skydiving the day before, and was just thrilled with how life was going. But that single phone call from my sister still echo’s throughout me. The simple phrase “I’m sorry. His heart wasn’t strong enough.” still brings me to tears (crying as I type). Something inside of me broke, and I didn’t eat (or really sleep) until I got back to Canada three days later. I didn’t think I would ever be able to laugh again, or even smile. But, like during many other difficult times in my life, I shut myself down and turned to Youtube. I know not the best choice, but after he died, I realized that my dad had been my best friend, and that I would never have him there again to teach me about anything ever again. He was the best man I have ever known and I am lucky to have had him as my dad. And I am not saying that my friends weren’t there to support me, they were, and I will always be grateful to them for being my friends. But there was and still is something that I don’t think I will ever be able to express, which somehow the (sometimes crude) humour of the gaming channels just touched. The first few days after coming home were the hardest and I couldn’t sleep, so I went on GameGrumps and had a Sonic ’06 binge watching spree. Some how, with the laughter and carefree voices of Arin and Jon in the background, I finally found sleep. In the following months, every video that came out I cherished because it was a safe place to listen, no one judged me and with Danny’s introduction it was like getting a new friend that was willing to express himself fully which amazed me. The Minecraft series that the Achievement Hunters came out with, were a similar safe place. Each time Gavin gave his little strangle of a cry scream when he was dying (or did something stupid like fall down a hole), or when Ray would jump from block to block calling ‘Parkour’ or ‘YOLO’ (and yes, even the fake jerk off in the corners were funny), or when Jack would go off and build a house and basically be like 'fuck it, I play by my own rules', each time I watched them it got a little bit easier to smile and the smile lasted a little bit longer. Michaels laugh and epic battle cry ('Mogar is ready!'), and Geoff’s frustration and ridiculous house, and Ryan’s sadistic killing sprees and weird animal attraction, all made it seem like everything was going to be all right.

So yes this is an ode to Youtube, but more importantly it is a thank you to every Youtuber out there. I know I am not the only one who thinks these things about you, and you should realize that what you do does matter to a huge amount of people world wide. I know my family doesn’t really understand why I love watching your sometimes silly or ridiculous videos, but that’s okay. They each have there own outlet where they can find laughter, and this is mine. So in the words of the Vlogbrothers, I want to remind all of you to D.F.T.B.A.

Just keep swimming

Just keep going.
That's all I have been able to focus on really for the past seven months.
That and hoping every day I wake up and reality changes.
With the death of my father back in July, my reality is now and forever altered.
Every day is a struggle, but I know it is for everyone in my family. I was yanked out of my 'happy go lucky' travel adventure, to the harsh reality that life is unpredictable and never fair. Work has become my only life, and I am getting tired of feeling sorry for myself and not doing anything about it. So following once again in my older sister's foot steps, I have decided that I am going to start blogging and writing again. It will at least make me accountable for continuing to live, even if it is only small things to begin with. I need to find joy in life again, and productive ways to express myself.
So I will just end this with a thank you to everyone for the support over the last year, and with a little hope that it get's better.

"Dory: Hey, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down you know what you've gotta do?
Marlin: I don’t want to know.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim." - 'Finding Nemo' Ellen DeGeneres and Albert Brooks